(Or anyone else who has experienced anything similar.)
Ok so the media hasn't shut up with trying to pin a sexuality label on Kendall Jenner. (or most of the lesbian community for that matter, because let's be real, the idea is exciting). So I am writing an open letter, that will most likely never reach her, but if anyone stumbles across it, it might ~possibly~ help others as well. So here.. it goes.
Dear Kendall,
I came out when I was 15 years old. It wasn't my choice, but once the word spread, I didn't have much of a say in who knew what about me anymore. I knew when I was 12 years old that I was different. I couldn't quite pin what it was, or why I never felt excited about dating boys or meeting boys. I just thought I was too ~cool~ at the time. I never felt comfortable with it, so I kept it to myself.
Even the idea of liking girls scared me to the point of depression. I shut myself out from the world. I didn't feel like hanging out with my friends and I didn't feel like explaining to anyone why I didn't want a boyfriend. So instead I avoided it. When I was 15 I met someone that I fell in love with instantly. And it was completely terrifying, because not only did I feel all these things I didn't even know existed in me, but I felt them for..a girl. Cue screams.
I didn't want to come out, and I wasn't ready. But that didn't matter to anyone else around me. In fact, my entire school speculated my sexuality from as far back as I can remember. I was always more of a tomboy, and rode my skateboard all over town with the boys. I was bullied all the time in middle school. Before I even knew what I was or who I was, I had people pointing fingers trying to tell me what I was. The whole ordeal was extremely embarrassing.
At the time, (2004) sexuality wasn't discussed NEARLY as much as it is now, and nowhere near as freely, especially in Florida. The only emotions I could associate it with at the time, was shame. My sister teased me constantly about being a lesbian and how I was different. Kids in the grades below me as well as above me ostracized me. I was talked about in the hallways, and pointed at during lunch periods. I had nothing, and no one.
When I met that *one* girl, we will call her.. Sam. I knew Sam my entire life, but one way or another it developed into something further. I wasn't ready to tell anybody, and it was all she could talk to me about. Luckily she was patient with me. I had been teased, speculated, and left out the past 4 years. I wasn't ready to face it. But no one gave me a choice. No one gave me the choice to come forward when I was comfortable and more importantly when I was ready.
Looking back now, I don't really feel like there is ever a time when you feel ready. You are about to tell everyone around you that you aren't what they have always thought you were, and sometimes sadly that you aren't what most people want you to be. It wasn't fair, and I was too young to understand at the time. Until someone I went to school with saw me and my at-the-time girlfriend at a fence in the neighborhood we lived in. We met there to get away from our parents / families / people we knew. He immediately told everyone, and of course the news spread like wildfire. My phone blew up. I received message after message "is it true? are you gay? tell me the truth".
I didn't have a choice. and I was tired of running from it and being ashamed. so doing what seemed like the only fair thing to do not only for my girlfriend, but for myself, was to come clean. Yes.
But this isn't about me, it's about you.
Let's assume for a moment that you are a confused soul in these regards.
The speculation at such a sensitive time in your life, if you really are or were questioning your sexuality can be extremely frustrating and even more terrifying. When people want to pin labels on you, whether or not you know what you are or who you are, is so confusing that it sometimes can cause you to question yourself as well, or even worse, crawl further into your turtle shell.
Unfortunately being who you are, and doing what you are doing, the speculation will probably never end. Having an entire school bag on me about my sexual identity since the sixth grade was enough. I can't even imagine what it would be like to have thousands of cameras on you constantly, and hundreds of thousands of people talking about you on the internet, pressing for answers.
At first I didn't pay attention to the medias garbage gossip news. The extent of targeted gossip sites I read are the headlines that appear in my news feed on Facebook. I saw your name appear once regarding your sexuality and didn't think much into it, because honestly what has the media NOT accused a Kardashian of being / doing. I was intrigued. Okay, the idea of Kendall Jenner being gay was great. Being me, I wasn't bothered. But then I read the comments associated with the articles. Some were supportive ,some were careless, and some were cruel.
What some people don't realize (unfortunately), is that someones sexuality is no ones business, even though people want so badly for it to be. This letter isn't to point fingers or bring any speculation to your sexuality, but to raise awareness to the fact that this action of constant accusing and questioning of someone in such a fragile time, is extremely damaging. I can speak from experience (not to this extent, as stated above, but still). Don't feel pressured to come out if people want you to. Don't feel pressured to be something you aren't, if you are even doing that at all.
I don't know you. I don't know what you feel, or what you think. But I do know what it feels like to be put in such an uncomfortable position and putting on the fake straight act for people just because it is what they want. In your case it isn't just a shitty middle school, it's the media, companies you represent, family (who seem as if they'd be all the more supportive, I may or may not have been binge watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians the last 3 days), and everything else in between.
Be proud of who you are. Be proud of what you represent. Don't hide yourself from the world because you are afraid of what others will think. You will only make yourself more miserable by doing so. You are not alone in this. Even though you don't personally know all the hundreds of thousands of people who have had to face the terrifying ordeal of coming out, we are here with you and have been through this before. and if us non famous people don't have enough in common with the situation, Ellen Page exists. (and many others).
The gay community would welcome you with open arms, and even if you are straight, or don't wish to label yourself (because personally I believe sexuality is fluid and doesn't define itself with one label), you will be welcomed by millions, because you are you, and we love you. The point is, don't feel pressured. Don't listen to trash websites. Don't worry about the comments people make. Whether or not it's true that "Kendall Jenner is in Love with Her BFF Cara" (who isn't??), don't give in to the bullshit.
Do what some of us didn't have the option of doing. Have a choice. Come out when you are ready, whether or not you come out as gay, straight, or fluid. Fuck the media, and fuck the haters.
It's 2016 bitches. Get with it.
Best,
Meghan L
Ok so the media hasn't shut up with trying to pin a sexuality label on Kendall Jenner. (or most of the lesbian community for that matter, because let's be real, the idea is exciting). So I am writing an open letter, that will most likely never reach her, but if anyone stumbles across it, it might ~possibly~ help others as well. So here.. it goes.
Dear Kendall,
I came out when I was 15 years old. It wasn't my choice, but once the word spread, I didn't have much of a say in who knew what about me anymore. I knew when I was 12 years old that I was different. I couldn't quite pin what it was, or why I never felt excited about dating boys or meeting boys. I just thought I was too ~cool~ at the time. I never felt comfortable with it, so I kept it to myself.
Even the idea of liking girls scared me to the point of depression. I shut myself out from the world. I didn't feel like hanging out with my friends and I didn't feel like explaining to anyone why I didn't want a boyfriend. So instead I avoided it. When I was 15 I met someone that I fell in love with instantly. And it was completely terrifying, because not only did I feel all these things I didn't even know existed in me, but I felt them for..a girl. Cue screams.
I didn't want to come out, and I wasn't ready. But that didn't matter to anyone else around me. In fact, my entire school speculated my sexuality from as far back as I can remember. I was always more of a tomboy, and rode my skateboard all over town with the boys. I was bullied all the time in middle school. Before I even knew what I was or who I was, I had people pointing fingers trying to tell me what I was. The whole ordeal was extremely embarrassing.
At the time, (2004) sexuality wasn't discussed NEARLY as much as it is now, and nowhere near as freely, especially in Florida. The only emotions I could associate it with at the time, was shame. My sister teased me constantly about being a lesbian and how I was different. Kids in the grades below me as well as above me ostracized me. I was talked about in the hallways, and pointed at during lunch periods. I had nothing, and no one.
When I met that *one* girl, we will call her.. Sam. I knew Sam my entire life, but one way or another it developed into something further. I wasn't ready to tell anybody, and it was all she could talk to me about. Luckily she was patient with me. I had been teased, speculated, and left out the past 4 years. I wasn't ready to face it. But no one gave me a choice. No one gave me the choice to come forward when I was comfortable and more importantly when I was ready.
Looking back now, I don't really feel like there is ever a time when you feel ready. You are about to tell everyone around you that you aren't what they have always thought you were, and sometimes sadly that you aren't what most people want you to be. It wasn't fair, and I was too young to understand at the time. Until someone I went to school with saw me and my at-the-time girlfriend at a fence in the neighborhood we lived in. We met there to get away from our parents / families / people we knew. He immediately told everyone, and of course the news spread like wildfire. My phone blew up. I received message after message "is it true? are you gay? tell me the truth".
I didn't have a choice. and I was tired of running from it and being ashamed. so doing what seemed like the only fair thing to do not only for my girlfriend, but for myself, was to come clean. Yes.
But this isn't about me, it's about you.
Let's assume for a moment that you are a confused soul in these regards.
The speculation at such a sensitive time in your life, if you really are or were questioning your sexuality can be extremely frustrating and even more terrifying. When people want to pin labels on you, whether or not you know what you are or who you are, is so confusing that it sometimes can cause you to question yourself as well, or even worse, crawl further into your turtle shell.
Unfortunately being who you are, and doing what you are doing, the speculation will probably never end. Having an entire school bag on me about my sexual identity since the sixth grade was enough. I can't even imagine what it would be like to have thousands of cameras on you constantly, and hundreds of thousands of people talking about you on the internet, pressing for answers.
At first I didn't pay attention to the medias garbage gossip news. The extent of targeted gossip sites I read are the headlines that appear in my news feed on Facebook. I saw your name appear once regarding your sexuality and didn't think much into it, because honestly what has the media NOT accused a Kardashian of being / doing. I was intrigued. Okay, the idea of Kendall Jenner being gay was great. Being me, I wasn't bothered. But then I read the comments associated with the articles. Some were supportive ,some were careless, and some were cruel.
What some people don't realize (unfortunately), is that someones sexuality is no ones business, even though people want so badly for it to be. This letter isn't to point fingers or bring any speculation to your sexuality, but to raise awareness to the fact that this action of constant accusing and questioning of someone in such a fragile time, is extremely damaging. I can speak from experience (not to this extent, as stated above, but still). Don't feel pressured to come out if people want you to. Don't feel pressured to be something you aren't, if you are even doing that at all.
I don't know you. I don't know what you feel, or what you think. But I do know what it feels like to be put in such an uncomfortable position and putting on the fake straight act for people just because it is what they want. In your case it isn't just a shitty middle school, it's the media, companies you represent, family (who seem as if they'd be all the more supportive, I may or may not have been binge watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians the last 3 days), and everything else in between.
Be proud of who you are. Be proud of what you represent. Don't hide yourself from the world because you are afraid of what others will think. You will only make yourself more miserable by doing so. You are not alone in this. Even though you don't personally know all the hundreds of thousands of people who have had to face the terrifying ordeal of coming out, we are here with you and have been through this before. and if us non famous people don't have enough in common with the situation, Ellen Page exists. (and many others).
The gay community would welcome you with open arms, and even if you are straight, or don't wish to label yourself (because personally I believe sexuality is fluid and doesn't define itself with one label), you will be welcomed by millions, because you are you, and we love you. The point is, don't feel pressured. Don't listen to trash websites. Don't worry about the comments people make. Whether or not it's true that "Kendall Jenner is in Love with Her BFF Cara" (who isn't??), don't give in to the bullshit.
Do what some of us didn't have the option of doing. Have a choice. Come out when you are ready, whether or not you come out as gay, straight, or fluid. Fuck the media, and fuck the haters.
It's 2016 bitches. Get with it.
Best,
Meghan L